I never tire of saying that relationships with a city, a country, a place of residence, or a place of power are almost like relationships with another person—with its own energy, strengths and weaknesses, and unique background.

There are no perfect cities, just as there are no perfect people. There is only “yours” or “not yours,” as well as a great deal of effort in establishing contact with the place, building the most comfortable and effective interaction possible. The more history you have—your past experiences with another city or person—the harder this effort becomes.

Just like a new partner, we consciously or unconsciously compare the new place with what we’ve had before, with interactions and experiences we’ve already known—whether positive or negative. Any such experience of deep engagement, rather than just parallel existence, clouds our ability to see the uniqueness of the new partner. Templates, patterns, and expectations dim our perception, as if we’re looking through frosted glass—and we fail to see clearly.

Relocating to a new place—much like falling in love with someone new—can initially feel vibrant and impressive. Yet, as it evolves into something deeper, much like a marriage, it reveals mismatches between expectations and reality. And if this “marriage” wasn’t born out of love but out of calculation, the gap feels even deeper, and the disappointment—an inevitable stage in any relationship, no matter how conscious or romantic it seemed—becomes even more painful.

It’s only by living through this dis-illusionment, by seeing the true nature of the one beside you and accepting it unconditionally, with all its virtues and flaws, that you can reach true unity, deep-rooted harmony, and heartfelt love.

May this be a support to those who are also on this path…
© Elena Shuwany

Artist: Alexander Filippov